Dusty's Extreme Makeover

It was the morning of ambushes. I went down for breakfast to find my mother holding hedge clippers. "Good morning. Please go and trim the bushes. They are getting very bushy. You never do any chores around here. It is time you start. By the way. I keep picking up long hairs. Are they yours? Of course they are. Your father and I do not have long hairs. Go get a haircut. Are you moving out soon?"

"Ya".

"Why don't you get involved in a group. Join the tall club," she said as she handed me the clippers and left.

I went to trim the bushes.

Later, I went to the café. I ran into Omar.

"I have a present for you."

"My birthday was 5 months ago, " I said.

"Ya, what happened to you. It's like you and your column dissapeared. Who blames a 7 months hiatus on a technical glitch? Anyways. Here you go. "

I opened the box. It was a compact with a mirror in it.

"I noticed you were looking at yourself in the rear view mirrors of parked cars. Are you suffering from some sort of complex?"

No time to answer.

"How's that lug-a-mug working out for you?" He asked.

"I didn't bring it today. It doesn't fit in my bag. "

"Only 9 more years left of landfill, you know," he said.

"Ya, I do know, but, you know, the paper cup is more convenient," i said sarcastically knowing that I was violating the inconvenient truth: his favorite movie." I said.

"I guess i have to buy you another present," he said smiling and then he left.

I had been looking at myself rather a lot these past few months. Every 5th parked car or so, I compulsively looked at myself in the mirror. It was the aftershocks of that damn shop and awe.

Somebody, please give me a job, I thought to myself as I walked home.