Candy Ambusch

I awoke one saturday morning to the sounds of a woman's voice on the radio. It was the equivalent of a bullhorn - Indeed there was loads of bull.

'I'm writing a column: it's called Personality Type. One character is a Mspronouncer. She reads Ms and is always mispronouncing words that are not of the English language. For example, She confuses siempre with siembra -and then brags, 'that's Spanish'. She's a crusading feminist who keeps pissing people off because she says things like 'I like this Guam' - It's guava you idiot. One is a country, the other is a fruit. ... so she has to go to therapy and get self help to overcome her problem. That's one character... "

Was she mocking me, who knew? All i knew was that it felt like an ambush - mostly because I do confuse my words and I do mispronouce. I usually have to look up new words in the dictionary on a weekly basis. I thought brocante was embroidery; it is in fact the french for second hand goods. I thought sartorial pertained to Sartre. I have more examples - many more.

Who was this person ambushing me so early in the morning? It was Candy AMBusch - the rival writer. What a coincidence! I had just watched Psycho Beach party on TV last night.

In a way, it was refreshing to be awoken so early in the morning - these days, i was so used to being caught in a nooner.