Dr. No

Dr. No : A doctor who insists, despite many complaints, there is nothing wrong with you.

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Readers of Sandalism: I will eventually finish the story - eventually.

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I think my just desserts may have given me a bad case of indigestion. I couldn't prove it, but I suspected that this was a possibility. Enemies were piling up faster than my laundry. I was even getting hate mail. After several bouts of nausea and sounds I never thought possible, I felt a trip to the doctor was necessary - it might be more serious than I thought.

I went to a clinic where nobody knew me hoping this would give an edge. A fresh start was what I needed.

A fresh start meant a new obsession with checking expiry dates and possibly installing surveillance technologies in all eating establishments. Maybe it would land me a cover story. Maybe it would land me in jail - who knew?. But for now, it landed me at the clinic.

In the waiting room, I overheard two women talking in a very Can you believe the audacity? tone: " I heard a woman went crazy on the bike path near Lachine and just started screaming at a family", "what was she screaming"? " things like: skank, red canal, stop color coordinating". "Stop color coordinating, what is she talking about?" asked the other. "I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out what red canal means."

I had forgotten about that. Thankfully, I wore a disguise and big sunglasses. I knew my big blonde Marilyn Monroe wig and big black glasses would come in handy.

The doctor called me into her office. I began to explain the problem to her. Nausea, cramps, before I could finish, she interjected and said: "Perfectly normal, there's nothing wrong with you". "But this has been going on for months, I can't urinate properly," I said.
"The older we get, the less we urinate", she said.
"I've never heard of that, I also feel very hot, my body temperature has risen."
"Perfectly normal - it's global warming", she said.
"Global warming?"
"Do I need to recommend a psychiatrist?" She asked rather dryly.
"Um ,no".

I left Dr. No's office before I was to be escorted out. A fresh start was what I was hoping for, not a fresh take on indigestion.

Pinkgrapefruit
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